plz talk dirty to me
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
thus making me awesome and them whores
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
