So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love you. Go after that dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
