The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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