well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
