Can Purell be used as lube?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
