my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
