My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
