If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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