I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
