I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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