Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The air was thick with penises
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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