Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
