I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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