its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
