Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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