honey bunches of taint.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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