You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
