he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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