Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
