So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
how drunk are you?
Several
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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