my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
