bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
