Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
