When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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