I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
