omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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