There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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