nut hugger
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
