After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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