Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
