Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
