I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
