how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
