I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my shit smells like andre
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
