my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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