I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
