i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
