how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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