so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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