wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
