Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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