i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
