His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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