I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
