Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
love makes seman taste better
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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