I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
