She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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