no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize