haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
