Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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