im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
