This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
