with your own penis?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
