what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
