If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
