pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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