I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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