I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
