how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
