is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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