We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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