Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
