Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
