Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
its liver damage thursday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
