how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
