im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
