there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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