why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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