She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
