you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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