just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
