I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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