well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize