sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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