oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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