It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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