It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
