Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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