I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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