Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have post one night stand depression
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
