I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
did i just pee glitter
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
