You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
