I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
